Synchrony
by Saturn Bracelet
Summary: And what's so wrong with you that you need to change anything? Cause the way I look at it, Freckles, there ain't nothing that needs to be changed. KateSawyer.


**Disclaimer:**I own nothing associated with Lost.  
**Summary: **And what's so wrong with you that you need to change anything? Cause the way I look at it, Freckles, there ain't nothing that needs to be changed. Kate/Sawyer.  
**Rating: **K+  
**Notes: **Takes off from Sawyer's last line to Kate in Ep. 2x11: _The Hunting Party_.

**Synchrony**

"Don't beat yourself up, Freckles. If he'd told me to stay behind, I'd have done the same damn thing."

Instead of lifting the self-placed burden from Kate's shoulders—which may or may not have been his intention—Sawyer watched as his words hit Kate in a way that he definitely didn't intend.

"I hate the way he looks at me," she sadly confided. Confided, perhaps not being the best word. She seemed to be talking to herself more than anything, but Sawyer still felt the urge to answer.

"Why do you want him to look at you then?"

Her head snapped up at this and before she had a chance to check her words, she'd blurted out something she wasn't entirely sure if she believed anymore.

"Because he's better than me."

Sawyer's look of incredulity horrified Kate. Surely she wasn't quite _that _pathetic. It was bad enough to think it, let alone verbalize it. Confirming her inner thoughts, Sawyer shook his head, as though he pitied her, and spoke three little words that affected her more than she thought possible.

"No he isn't."

-

An ideal is a hard thing to live up to. Kate had never lived up to anyone's ideal in her entire life.

No one—until Jack—had seen any sort of potential for goodness in her. She liked the feeling. She liked that someone believed in her. Someone as good and upstanding as Jack. It was a nice feeling.

It made her want to impress him. It made her want to live up to his ideal. She wanted to change and be a better person. She wanted to make good decisions and live a life that she'd previously never thought was within the realm of possibility.

But Jack had given up on her.

She absolutely hated the way he looked at her. How he would zero in on her flaws and see nothing else. How whatever goodness he thought was within her, had apparently been chalked up to an illusion on his part.

-

Kate hated herself.

Self-hatred was an emotion she was intimately acquainted with. There were so many things in her past that she'd done. Things she regretted and things she was ashamed of.

When all was said and done, however, she wasn't entirely sure that—if given the chance—she'd make different decisions. The _right _decisions. Maybe Jack saw that within her. He saw that she'd never fully change and she'd never be the person he believed she could be. The person he wanted her to be.

She felt relieved.

-

When Kate looked at Sawyer she saw herself.

And that scared her to death.

-

When Kate kissed Jack, she wept.

When Kate kissed Sawyer, she felt.

-

She loved kissing Sawyer. The taste of him. The sensations that ran throughout her body. She loved the synchrony of the two of them. While Sawyer scared her when she thought about him, when she was _with _him, she felt as close to happy as she ever had.

She abruptly pulled away.

Sawyer was left staring at her with confusion marring his features. He studied her facial expressions, looking for some kind of clue, before saying, "C'mon Freckles, we were just getting to the good part."

She had to laugh. Sitting on his lap in the middle of the jungle, she had to laugh.

-

"I wanted to change," she confided (and this time confided _was_ the right word).

"Into what?" he drowsily asked.

That gave her pause. Somehow she'd never really thought about it. She'd never known exactly who it was that she wanted to be.

She propped herself up on her elbow and looked at him. He met her gaze.

"I don't really know," she admitted. When she saw that she had his full attention, she was encouraged to continue. "Someone different. Someone … _worthy._"

"And what's so wrong with you that you need to change _anything_?" he asked with a smile. "Cause, the way I look at it, Freckles," he kissed her temple, "there ain't _nothing _that needs to be changed."

**The End**


End file.
